Tuesday, May 8, 2007

W 020 F

Introduction:
At Janus Pannonius University, first-year students have to sit for an examination, called Proficiency Test, at the and of the second term. One of the tasks the Test comprises is writing an essay. The examinee has to produce a composition of 400 to 450 words, in 4 or 5 paragraphs. In 1996, there was 140 minutes’ time available to accomplish two more tasks, and students can dispose the time at their own disrection. The essays were corrected and evaluated by tutors who had formerly given writing courses at the university for first-year students In 1996, the assessments was based on the following criteria: Focus, Accuracy, Vocabulary, Paragraph, Organization and Essay Organization, each of them was worth up to 10 marks.

I chose two of these criteria for further analysis: Paragraph and Essay Organization. These two categories, as the other three categories, were examined by the tutors via a set of questions. Concerning Paragraph Organization the questions were: Are paragraph ideas introduced by topic sentence?; Are the topic sentences developed in the paragraphs? For Essay Organization the questions were: Does the essay depart and arrive? Is there a distinct transition between paragraph? ; Is there a conclusion germane to the discussion? (Horváth, 1996 p. 89.). The aim of this paper is to emphasize and analyze the elements, factors and characteristics that contributed either in a favorable, or in an inauspicious way to the evaluation of Paragraph and Essay Organization.

Method:
I based my observations on 6 essays from among the compositions which were written for the Proficiency Test, in 1996. I analyzed them by considering markers’ comments and criteria, and the viewpoints that are regarded as the requirements of essay writing by The McGraw-Hill college handbook (Marius and Weiner, 1996 p. 70-105.)

Result and Discussion:
The first subject to analyze was the form of the paragraphs. A text is made up of paragraphs that break it up into manageable units in order to organize writing and make reading easier (Marius and Weiner 1996 p. 70.). The beginning of the paragraph is marked by its first sentence being indented several spaces from the left margin of the page. The most extreme deficiency that occured in one of the essays was the complete absence of indentation, which resulted in a notably low score given for Paragraph Organization and Essay Organization. There was another essay in which indentation was just partly missing. In this case, new trains of thoughts were introduced in an appropriate way, thus, the lack of starting new Paragraphs may have been attributed only to inattention. Although the Paragraph Organization of this essay got a low score (6), the Essay Organization was evaluated 10 marks.

A paragraph has to be well organized not only formally, but also from the point of view of content. Each paragraph has to have a controlling idea that introduces the section by defining its theme. The controlling idea is most likely to be incorporated in a topic sentence, coming usually at the beginning of a paragraph. All of the essays I have observed possessed some forms of topic identification; moreover, regarding the whole of the essays, all the four major topic identification methods were represented. In one of the essays, the second paragraph started whit a board and general statement summarizing the whole paragraph, and only the second sentence developed the idea more specifically: ‘First of all we have to keep in mind that a parent can also be right and he/she sees our interest, too, only from a different point of view. If we let ourselves carried away by our passion, thinking that we are the only ones who can be right, we are likely to make big mistakes’. (Explain how to argue with a parent, 1996 p.1). One of the paragraphs in another essay started with a limited topic sentence that already defined the controlling idea in itself: ’The way of arguing must be carefully chosen’. (Explain how to argue with a lover, 1996 p.2) The third type of possessing a topic sentence is the one which only announces the topic in the first sentence and does not summarize the rest of the paragraph; the topic sentence comes only after the first sentence: ’Argumentation in itself is a very serious job to undertake. It requires a great deal of knowledge ranging from history to psychology’. (Explain how to argue with a lover, 1996 p.1). There were also paragraphs which did not have a summarizing topic sentence whatsover, but the content could be summed up in one sentence. The writer was explaining and giving advice on how to take the first technical steps when writing an e-mail letter to one’s lover. (Explain how to e-mail to a lover, 1996 ).

Sentences in a strong paragraph are woven into a continuous flow that follows the direction given by the topic sentence. The ultimate condition which determines the cohesiveness of a paragraph is that each of the sentences are closely related to the controlling idea. In the Proficiency essays, it was a most common mistake that within one paragraph several sentences wandered away from the idea, the writer wished to discuss in that paragraph . For example, the first sentence asserted that children have different aims from that of their parents, but the following part of the paragraph rather discussed the idea of respect one should have for their parents; then, the writer returned to the main idea of the essay, that is how to argue with a parent.

The usage of pronouns can efficiently ensure the connection between sentences, and therefore contribute to the cohesiveness of a paragraph. It requires a great deal of concentration and consistency to avoid pronoun shifts. In one of the essays, pronouns without antecedents caused recurring deficiency: ‘One has to be tolerant, a good listener and a smart thinker - at the same time. They will not bite your head off...’. ‘Not only goals you want to achieve, but also the wishes you have are different. You should always try to please them by ... .’ (Explain how to argue with a parent, 1996 p.2,3).

Another source of low evaluative scores was that a paragraph was not elaborated enough. The most striking example was when one or two sentences were meant to make up a paragraph, without developing the topic sentence any further. It was an individual and extreme case, but in other essays also not providing enough information seemed to reduce the scores greatly. One of the best ways of developing a general idea is to demonstrate or explain it through specific examples. It was perfectly implemented in a high-scoring essay about argumentation: ‘Different situations will be presented to give you a picture of some „real” arguments. When trying to find a good holiday resort for the summer vacation, the interests are likely to clash’. ‘...One of the most frequent arguments in the morning when the lovers have to decide who will be the first to get into the bathroom’. (Explain how to argue with a lover, 1996 p 3, 4).

Another efficient method of supporting the main ideas is to provide small details: ’First of all a former knowledge is needed about a friend’s personality, mood, situation, and usual reactions in order to be able to listen, but this former knowledge is given since true friends know each other well’. (Explain how to listen to a friend, 1996 p. 2). Going into details fills the writing with life and lends a smooth flow to the ideas, which helps the readers understand and even enjoy what he or she is reading. Colourful details and examples depict the situation and create a graceful style which is vivacious and amusing, and makes the writing sound natural and easy-flowing. Lack of details triggers off the opposite impact. When a paragraph is composed of only generalization, it can provide only a shallow and superficial discussion, which does nor fulfill the aim of an essay and the reader’s curiosity either, as the main question remains unanswered. The points of the essay get loss, and the reader has the impression that writing that work required just as much effort as its reading: ‘So you use the „who is” identifying programme which takes you at least 30 minutes to find out what you are looking for. This is so not just because the computer is slowly but because you do not know now to use the programme. But finally you succeed in it.’ (Explain how to e-mail a friend, 1996 p.2).

After I have analyzed individual paragraphs, the next stage of the essay to look into is the transition between the paragraphs, and the direction of essay organization . The evaluation of both these aspects was incorporated in the Essay Organization mark, which was, in general, higher than the Paragraph Organization marks. (Horváth, 1996 p. 95.). This general tendency reflected students’ better abilities to link ideas between paragraphs than within paragraphs. An excellent example of transition between two paragraphs was produced by an essay receiving maximum Essay Organization marks. The title of the essay was ‘How to Listen to a Friend’. The writer achieved smooth transition and coherence between the paragraphs by repeating the key words, ‘listen to’ and ’friend’: ‘Most people have at least one true friend who is worth listening to. ...Therefore, listening to a true friend can be called „spiritual listening” since it requires spiritual understanding.

The second type of listening to a friend is almost the opposite of the „spiritual listening.”’ (Explain how to listen to a friend, 1996 p. 1). A good repetition should include some new information along with what is repeated, as it was carried out in the previous example. This example also shows that the last sentence of the first paragraph pointed forward, and the last sentence of the first paragraph provided the link by looking backward to the previous paragraph.

As far as the direction of the essay is concerned, it was already limited to a certain extent when the potential titles were given. These were: Analyze, Discuss, Explain, Present evidence on, and Raise doubts about. All the essays I have studied undertook to examine an idea therefore, they were expected to produce explanations. To be consistent, the writer should bear in mind the aim of the essay throughout the whole work. If an explanation is meant to describe a process, for example, how to e-mail, it needs to break down the process into small steps that follow one after the other. Explanation can be accomplished by classification too. The best example was supplied by the essay gaining the highest score. (Explain how to listen to a friend, 1996). This essay had a thoroughly elaborated and logical construction which was perspicuous and logical. The writer first organized friends into groups and subgroups, and then discussed the listening techniques, matching them to the appropriate subgroup. The third essay that can also serve as a role model explained how to argue with a lover. This essay arranged the various types of arguments in the ascending order of their importance, beginning it with petty, daily arguments, and chose the dispute about getting married to finish with. (Arnaudet and Mary, 1990). All of these techniques lend a solid frame work and clear direction to the essays, but they are only effective if the writer persists to them without any shifts in the course of writing. Essays lacking direction resembled rather to a letter. The arrangement of paragraphs in these essays did not reflect a consistent logic, but only the sequence of the ideas as they occured to the writer.

From the point of view of direction it is mostly significant where the essay departs from and where it arrives at. The opening and closing paragraphs, which frame the essay, differ from the paragraphs in the body of the composition a lot. The function of the first paragraph is complex: it is supposed to announce the general topic of the composition and to give some background information about its method; to set the tone and announce the method of the discussion, and it has to reveal also the reason for the author’s choice; the last sentence has to zoom in on the specific idea of the essay. An imaginative introduction is more likely to raise the reader’s curiosity: ‘The romantic nights of those early centuries are over. You live at the beginning of the 21th century and you must accumulate to modern ways of communication. E-mail gives you a fast, cheap and practical way to send an electric serenade to your beloved.’ (Explain how to e-mail a lover, 1996 p.1). The composition receiving the highest points also had a remarkable introducing paragraph: it had a direct and explicit departure, which implied that the rest of the essay would be also well focused and manageable.

The last paragraph can be a summary of the whole text, or the conclusion or an outlook on the prospect of the theme discussed in the essay. An outstanding close was produced in the composition about arguing with a lover: ‘The best argument is the one which arrives at some kind of equilibrium at the end of it. That is the most beautiful thing in the argument with your lover.’ (Explain how to argue with a lover, 1996 p.4). However, there were several mistakes as well in the conclusions. A student, for example, raised new ideas in the last paragraph which did not conclude from the flow of the text. In another essay the writer made the same mistake in the introduction: she/he wrote about ‘things’ that should not be done, which made the essay negative. (Explain how to e-mail a boss, 1996). The conclusion and the introduction should harmonize with each other, but there was an essay where the assertion of the last paragraph declared just the opposite of what was written in the first paragraph. This made the whole conclusion senseless and redundant.

Conclusion:
This analysis of Proficiency test essays has shown effective and ineffective techniques of paragraph and essay organization. To be able to apply the appropriate techniques easily and avoid the less effective ones following the major guidelines of essay writing can help to succeed. One should not start writing until one has comprehended the exact task. After understanding what to do, one has to identify the subtopics of the general idea. Then, through brainstorming, one needs to produce details to develop the subtopics and to back up the argument. Afterwards the process of writing can be started. Ultimately, the writer should subject the composition to a critical revision to correct the possible mistakes and finalize the essay to submit. Any essay written according to these pieces of advice is likely to meet the demands of paragraph and essay organization.

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