Tuesday, May 8, 2007

W 049 F

Draft 2

What an excitement to enter a university classroom! Some of them are made of glass, but even so it is indiscernible what is inside. But once the doors are unlocked and opened a new dimension unfolds itself. Unknown is the way the entrant is going to act in order to accomodate him or herself to the situation.

The general excepted opinion is that one can behave in the right or in the wrong way. In a university class the two extremes are accepted. Students wearing the grey clothes of common man are not parts of the creme de la creme. They are those speaking the language of mortals and avoiding overcomplicated metaphorical constructions.

Actually nobody enlightens us in connection with behaviour. It is up to the person to decide wether he or she chooses one of the extremes. Sometimes the alternative of the middle way is more attractive as it is the most diplomatic means of communication.

A behaviour presumes the reaction of those who endure it especially in the case when there are many people around. Behaviour is consequence and generator at the same time. The group of those who are watching creates the originating side by letting us know- in one way or another-their expectations. And of course, they also answer our behaviour. I wonder how I could put into words a behaviour when the idea of behaving is more about acting than talking. I could give account of my behaviour to give authenticity to this essay.

During these first months of studentship a trying to accustom-process is going on in me. I come from an isolated community where there is a close among the members. After coming to Pécs I entered a more tolerant world, first of all. Not only because this country is a bit closer to the European norms, but also because of the fact that I joined the university. Many young people around me, a cavalcade of faces in the big hall and in the assembly galery. Busy people running up and down on the coridors. I soon noticed that my personal style has a free road to progress on if I wish so. My diversity is accepted better and this is due to the fact that I definetly popped into a higher medium.

I cannot be too personal at though. A university classroom is a gathering place of individuals who feel just conformable with themselves. Dug in their reports and oral examinations they hesitate to take the first step towards another human being. A long and intimate relationship with another person would probably swallow too much of their time.

Somehow I must keep my personal thoughts in my relationship with my classmates. Actually the maximum that can occur in a university classroom is a nice dialogue about the weather or the teacher.

Presenting myself has become a whole branch of art. Dressing my thoughts conveying my remarks elegantly and in a manner that they capture the attention of my classmates and teachers is a fatiguing job. From time to time I myself dress up my simple thoughts in fancy , well-built sentences. This remindes me of an article I read during a language practice class about Artspeak i.e. saying nothing in a sophisticated manner. We students in the Faculty of Arts tend to use this language quite often and mostly in the classrooms.

My arts student status influences my classroom-life. Studying at this faculty means somehow freeing of the earthly preoccupations. I am not good at the real part of life and I am not good at the practical side of it either. My actions in the classroom show this clearly . It often happens that instead of paying attention to the English Descriptive Grammar course I sink into Kierkegaard's view on Mozart's Don Juan.

I am a first year English major. Well, each day, each hour passed at this department marks my behaviour. The chaotic atmosphere that dominates here is a dark tunel at which end I do not see the light.

I do not act in the classroom in fact I am passive. The reason for this is that I do not find all the classes to be satisfactory and usefull. I reduce my inclass activities on noticing those touched upon points that are included in my field of interest. By being passive in classes I do not give the department anything.

Last but not least my foreign citizen status is a source of the alien kind of behaviour. The process of getting accustomed to a foreign university classroom means the modification of my picture on educational systems in general.

Though I am passive in the classroom I am also pliable and longing to reveal my inside thoughts: searching for a point that touches and agrees with my aspirations . At the same time I try to guard my identity too. This is manifested by my not being member of any in-class groups but belonging to all of them.

In conclusion I am still undecided about how to act in this medium. I am gazing with surprise at the classrooms' interior and pondering many times about Virginia Wolf's description of the university: " The complexity of things becomes more close here at college, where the stir and pressure of life are so extreme, where the excitement of mere living becomes more urgent. Every hour something new is unberied in the great bran pie. What am I? I ask. This? No, I am that "

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