There is a difference in the attitude to bringing up children in the UK and in Hungary. In our country mothers usually stay at home with a new baby for a few years, or if they do go back to work, then comes the grandmother. There are hardly any nannies, and not many cleaning ladies either. The bringing up of children and the household duties are still considered the role of the mother, even if she has a good job. Sometimes the father helps in too, and the grandparents often get an important part in the lives of their grandchildren.
In the UK the situation is not the same. Mothers don't stay at home with their babies for long and even if they do, they often get a home–help. Cleaning ladies are quite common even in households without young children. They go over once or twice a week, sometimes every day to clean and tidy the house. A well–off family when a baby is born gets first a maternity nurse than later a nanny. Nannies are usually British or Australians and they can even be employed on a live–in or a daily basis. Families that don't have enough money to employ a professional nannie often get an au–pair. Au–pairs are people between the age of 17 and 27 from other countries. They do light household duties and help in looking after the children in exchange for the opportunity to improve their English in a native environment. As they don't have a work permit, they are not allowed to get wages, but they are provided with food and lodging and also some pocket money.
There are families who treat the au–pair almost like a servant saying "The au–pair is just the modern alternative for a maid". There is some truth in this. The au–pair is the cheapest labor in the UK. A family doesn't have to be rich to be able to afford one, but sometimes even wealthy families chose not to pay for a professional nanny.
According to the law an au–pair should be treated as a part of the family, and most families except this. They try to make them feel welcome and loved. It is not always this simple though. If a family decides to get an au–pair, most of the time means in fact several au–pairs. The usual stay of an au–pair in the UK can be 2 years at most, but often it is just a few month. This means that by the time the children grow up, they have had numerous au–pairs. No wonder sometimes they can't even remember their names.
A lot of bad things are said about how an au–pair's life is in the UK. Some of them are true, it's not easy for anybody to fit into another family's life. But once the au–pair accepts that it's not easy for the host family either to have someone living in their house, usually things can be worked out. Some families get an au–pair just because of the work that needs to be done, others are open to other cultures and enjoy getting to know someone from another country.
There are several reasons why the au–pair system is so wildly spread in the UK, and in some other West–European countries, but not in Hungary. Before the First World War upper or even middle class families could employ a nanny or a maid. When our country was communist travelling wasn't much appreciated, and the life standards dropped too. There have been political changes in the last years, but most families still wouldn't have enough money to afford a nanny. Even an extra person living with the family would mean way too much extra cost. Also, probably most people would reject the idea of a 'stranger' living in their homes and bringing up their children. For some reason most British families handle this really well.
Most British families go to an agency to find an au–pair for them to help in looking after their children and their homes. They invite someone in their homes, who they hardly even know and often they trust them with sole charge of their children. This is quite a big step, especially considering, that we tend to say, that the British are reserved and they like to live isolated on their islands.
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